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Tokyo_Girlxo
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Interests: • friendz • music • love • singing • song writing • makeup • art • etc... •
Expertise: • singing • song writing • makeup artistry •
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/9/2006
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| Funny how the one person that you could of sworn that you actually hated
is the one that you later sympathize and think you would get along with
just fine. Yeah I realize that I was over him, and that I didn't really
mind her. But I still didn't make much of an effort to be friends with
her. I had her number and she had mine because she insisted. But I
never called. And now, I think that I just might. It was nice. We both
appologized for our actions and how foolish that we both were to each
other. That stupid fuck is tearing her apart. He's taking himself down
and her with. I told her that she was something amazing, because I know
that I could never of cared to love him anywhere near the amount she
does. I would of been fed up with him and his ways long before. I play
relationships like baseball. You're only allowed to fuck up real bad 3
times. After that, its just all a waste of time for the both of you.
(Suppose that means I have strike 1... ew.) She loves him
unconditionally and yet he keeps lieing, denying, trying to hide the
fact that he's falling apart. I never wanted to say it, but when they
started out, I hoped that he treated her like she was gold, because he
hurt me so wonderfully. He took the one thing that I can NEVER take
back. Back then, I blamed it all on her. But now I know that wasn't
exactly fair. I just wasn't able to admit that it was, in-fact, him at
the time. Not just her. I'm there for her more than I thought that I
could ever be. And I think she knows that too. But it feels good. I'm
not always the firey-immature-skank-ass-bitch-from-hell that some
people may take me for. God, we're like those R&B pop songs about
how there was this dude that played two girls and in the end he only
fucked himself over and that the two girls become close friends. We
have a pact, that whenever something bad happens we call each other up
to vent out. Its good to see her be real too. Really, I think aside
from the previous jealousy and hurting my Babe II,
my only true problem with her was that she clung so dearly onto
something that wasn't honest. But now she's aware, at least somewhat
aware of what's going on. And realizes that not everyone around
her is just trying to stand in her way. That some of us actually care
to help her. I may have not liked her much back then, I may have said
things that were unkind, I may have even desired unkind things to
happen to her--to them. But realistically, I could not seriously wish
things so terrible upon her. I always hoped in jealousy and pain that
he would at the very least treat her better than what he treated me--if
he really did like her enough to drop me on my ass for her. I expected
him to show me up, instead of showing me down. But he never changed
much. Why would he change anyways? He never fucking cared much. For me,
himself or for others. I'm just really sorry that she loves him more
than what I did.
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| Hmm so yeah...I went
to see Pirates on Friday with my lover. I thought it was pretty good.
Um, I also got my hair done yesterday. I love it. Blonde bangs, black
all over and a deep red pulled through randomly under the black, not to
mention tons of layers. Its funky and a fresh look for me. Yay.
Uh, Piper and I are actually getting along just fine. (Meow I have info
to tell YOU...Until then, you shall remain
confused. Sorry.) A little friction from the start but I think things
are actually going to work out. I like making friends. And re-making
friends. Speaking of which, I think Paint pretty much doesn't want
anything to do with me. Before it was like a breather. But now its like
I get the cold shoulder. Yeah, cool man. You keep thinking that you're
too cool for me. Paint's barrier is not what is going to keep me out.
It is my own self that will keep out. Paint never talks to me anymore.
I say hey and I get a simple response of "hi." And that is it. I have
to keep the conversation going. Hmm, that sounds so familiar.. As if I
had already written that before. I asked him if he was angery, he said
no. Obviously then, that ugly, plain response was because it was me. So
I then dared to ask if he doesnt ever want to talk to me again. And
then I was told that he honestly doesnt know. So I pretty much took it
as a 'fine-I'll-be-going-then'. I told Paint that I hoped that he will
someday be able to actually forgive me and let me in and be a friend
again. But until then, goodbye. It wasn't really unexpected, I'll admit
that. But his constant begging, and those hands that he tried to place
on me... Do they not match? I can only think of ONE terrible thing that
I've done that affected him between last year and now. One. And not one
that I had intentionally planned on. Believe me. If I were planning I
would of been perfect, I would have looked perfect, I would have been
confident. His jealousy got the better half of him, when the situation
was never meant to be in the first place. Otherwise why would I be back
with the one that I was with in the first place? Life takes you where
you are supposed to go. Hah, perhaps you could say that Paint was never
supposed to go where he wanted to go with me. Funny how he had his
chance. But his persistant perv behaviour fucked it up. And he kept
having the same outlook. And never understood why girls were so
hesitant to put out often. Its because he only annoyed them. It becomes
irritating and boring when someone lowers themselves to the point where
they seem like they would do anything for you to have some kind of
sexual thing in return. I like people with a little more spine. I'm
sorry if that sounded a little bitter. I just have a hard time
believing that I kept being a friend to someone that would annoy me and
some very important people in my life. And then I fucked up very badly once recently,
and he wasn't really included in the situation anywhere--yet he is the
one that is shutting me out. The two main boys that that situation had
concerned are fine with me now. Or at least it seems. One still loves
me, the other is cool with me. Ugh, whatever. Hopefully it will all
blow over someday. I'd still be friends with Paint, he just needs to
let me know when he's ready. And to lay off the behaviour a bit. Fuck
sakes.
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| Ever had a person that
you really liked.. And you almost fucked up everything that you already
had because of them? And then when you fixed the things that you
already had, that person makes you angry? And then it turns out that
maybe that person is actually somewhat decent. And things are actually
looking up on both sides. Like for one moment in your life, that after
a big fucked up situation, that perhaps...You won both sides. You keep
the one that you truly love, and can be back to being friends with the
other. Its a nice feeling. Especially because this whole thing had been
tearing me apart. I felt terrible and an ass, to actually both sides.
And now, I feel like the good person. As if that I did enough right out
of the wrong, to be where I want to be. I have no idea if it all will
last. But for the rest of at least this night, I feel stress-free. I
feel like everything is actually going to be ok. Everything is in
balance. Its almost--overwhelming. Tears of happiness feel good.
I'm not a knotch. I'm a lover to one, and a friend to another.
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| Things have been
pretty good in my life. I have some things to confess, but I refuse to
write them. There are sets of eyes that roam near, and I wish them to
be apart of nothing. Thank God that I have my earth-angels though.
Especially when I catch myself wandering in that bleak tunnel again.
I'm at that stage where things are great, but at the same time I am
easily torn. Its when my angels touch me that I feel the ground under
my feet again. Thats when I feel safe again. Oh what a beautiful
mess I've become. But I know I'll be ok.
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| Today...Hmm, what can
I say about today? Well today, could of been a better day. At work:
last night's crew decided to be a bunch of lazy asses. I don't care if
it was a busy night, because a good portion of the shit left behind for
me in the morning was easy stuff to put back.. Like...Lets say you
would have to move about...3 meters away from the fucking change room?
To put that shit away. Oh, yeah. HUGE stretch of effort there. End of
shift, it was pouring. However 8 o'clock this morning was sunshine. So
all I had on for a 'jacket' was a thin polo tee and a sweatshirt-vest.
Yay, I felt like a sponge. Simply soaked, head to toe. On the flipside
though, I am now in comfy sweats, a hoody and drinking hot chamomile
tea...2 spoonfuls of sugar. I am also going to record a song tonight.
It's one that my bf and I have been working on. So hopefully the
recording will somewhat turn out. Anyways, moving along--I think I'm
going to exit-stage-left for now. I'll add more--when I feel like it.
And god damnit, would some one comment?? Or am I a solitary loser...?
Thinking that all of you still exist on this thing....when in actual
fact, you DON'T? blah blahs...
xoxo
peace <3.
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